Underneath Each Goal is a Deeper Feeling
You Don’t Want More Money — You Just Want to Feel Accepted
From weight loss to making more money, we love to set goals. But when was the last time you took a second to think about what you’re truly after?
When you think you desire an item or result, what you’re really after is the feeling it produces.
Let’s break down a goal:
“I want to make more money”
Well, why do you want more money?
“To buy expensive things.”
Why do you want expensive things?
“To be socially recognized.”
Why do you want to be socially recognized?
“To feel accepted by others.”
By drilling down your goals by asking the WHYs, you’ll quickly see that there is an underlying feeling associated with it.
Let’s try another one:
“I want to become a Director of Product”
Why do you want to become a Director of Product?
“To lead bigger teams”
Why do you want to lead bigger teams?
“To be respected”
Why do you want to be respected?
“To feel valued”
There are many emotion wheels online you can use as a reference to how far you need to drill down. Oftentimes, I hear people associate feelings to verbs. “I feel like it’s going to rain” and “I feel like I want to travel more” are not feelings. Feelings are adjectives. Dig deeper.
This practice is to better understand your underlying motivation and create goals that address the feelings directly. The beauty here is the ability to work backward. You can cultivate these feelings in many other ways.
In the case of wanting to make more money, by understanding that its a feeling of acceptance that you’re after, joining a social activity or reconnecting with friends will bring you similar pleasure as making more money.
Crazy, huh? Almost like a shortcut.
Try it the next time you’re setting goals.
What is that underlying feeling associated and are there other ways you can cultivate it?
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Have a fabulous day!
Cheers,
Steven
