Forgiving those that have hurt us

Finding love for the people we don’t see eye-to-eye with.

It’s been difficult coming out to a conservative family, and over time, I’ve also realized that I haven’t made it easy for myself either. What I was given was never enough, and I was envious of the lives around me.

“I wish my family was like other accepting families.”

“I wish I had a partner whose family will see me the way I wish my family saw me”

“I wish I wasn’t Asian.”

As I was coming to terms with my sexuality, I distanced myself from my family and culture, and sought out a chosen “family” of friends to give me the support I desperately craved.

Except, this family was never equipped with the tools or life experience to be the caregiver of a child they just inherited. Over the years, my friendships suffered because of the heavy expectations I also put on them.

I spent the majority of this year abroad and alone, processing these difficult experiences. In working through these emotional kinks, I made a fascinating discovery. My struggles were from the blurring of two completely separate entities: people and their behaviors. I was judging people based on their ever-changing behaviors, bound by the expectations only I could see.

As I relinquished my expectations and pulled apart people from their behaviors, I found forgiveness within the space that was created. And in loving the people themselves, I discovered a lightness in the way I interacted.

During this holiday season, perhaps we can all share a similar revelation, especially as we spend time with our families we may not see eye-to-eye with.

Release the expectations. It is a yearning for a reality that doesn’t exist.

Stop searching for permanent convictions on temporary behaviors.

Find love for people. We are all imperfect, trying our best, with limited time here on earth.

This week, I made a podcast about some advice and techniques to forgive our parents and caregivers. Check it out and let me know what you think.

I host a podcast called Yellow Glitter, mindfulness through the eyes and soul of a gay Asian. You can find it on Apple Podcast, Google Podcast, Spotify, iHeartRadio, Stitcher, Overcast, and TuneIn.

Along with a bit of weekly mindfulness, I send out my favorite things I discover each week on my email newsletter at Mindful Moments.

Thanks for reading! Until next time.

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